I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
