Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
