Swine flu. Run for my life!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
