there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Everclear isn't food dammit
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm really busy with my period
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