you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
