he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
