Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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