i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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