I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
we're so committed to being not committed
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
