just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
