you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
3 2 1 whiskey
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
