peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
