Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
