I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
