are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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