I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
