she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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