At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
