we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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