i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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