Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
