end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
