dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
