: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
