We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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