i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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