watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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