I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
