you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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