we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
