Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
