thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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