My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I believe in your delicious
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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