He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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