I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
