Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
