A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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