well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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