If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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