It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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