Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
These tits shall not be calmed
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
