Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
