At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
