wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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