he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
