So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
