im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They have beer where we have blood.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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