So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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