Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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