No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
